Friends

Hello again!

Once again, here I am running away from my responsibilities and feeling down in the dumps again. I guess today's post is just going to be another ramble-on about life. Throughout my 17 years of living I've dealt with nothing but the worst experiences regarding friendship, you could say. Ever since I was little I was always outcast-ed and bullied to a certain extent. I remember in elementary school I had friends that would always talk behind my back and I even knew, but I still stuck with them because I had no one else to be with. I guess being with people is better than being alone. Wrong. Being alone is definitely better than being with well people who bring you down I guess. But then I'm definitely a hypocrite for saying that because even now I still force myself to be with people who bring me down. Now here I am in high school and I'm still being taken advantage of for my "kindness" I guess you could say. Throughout the superficial friendships that I've had, I always still felt alone. I feel as if I'm the only one trying and tries to be there for them whenever I can, only to receive an "I guess." or a "Maybe" or even a "I'll see." in the end when I need help. But then again, maybe I'm just over thinking everything as usual, but when you've gone through countless experiences all ending the same, I guess you just end up thinking that nothing will change. I would like to think that I put other people before myself most of the time, and I guess that's how I always get hurt and taken advantage of. I always believed that if I put others before myself, I'd receive the same from them back right? Wrong again. Honestly when it comes to being friends with people, I'd say just choose the people who even if you don't contact them or even see them often, you can always talk to them whenever and be comfortable with yourself when you're with them. I've always been envious of those who seem so genuinely happy and have people that they can be with. But life doesn't work that way. No doubt that I'm grateful for the people that have positively impacted my life, but ideals kick in and then I expect or hope for too much maybe. I won't stop hoping though that one day I'll be able to find true friends who I can always count on. Sometimes that waiting time seems so gruesome and just makes me want to quit everything and feel like I'm just better off alone. Seems like all I can do is hope and convince myself someway or another. Well, I guess that's it for today's ramble haha! If you have any experiences similar to mine or even if you're going through something like this, we're in the same boat! So don't lose hope. 

Until next time.

People

Hello everyone!

I should be starting my homework since I have a bunch to do today but here I am making a post. One of my resolutions was to be happier but that's easier said than done, especially coming from a person that is anything but happy most of the time haha. Recently I've just been dealing with a lot of crap whether it be family issues or just people at school or maybe I should say people in general. I guess this post is going to be more of a rant but bear with me. I've just gotten to the point well, I've gotten to this point a while ago, but especially today would be the day that I've just snapped. Everyone is different, they come from different backgrounds, have different personalities. I respect and understand that. Not everyone will get along. I guess what I'm just saying is that people suck. I've gone through countless encounters with people and honestly I'm just done dealing with people. Now, I know this is only high school crap and everyone goes through it and not everyone is like this but from a person who's been alone and outcast-ed, it's just not a good feeling to be surrounded by self-centered, ignorant, blatantly rude, and just straight up "crappy" people for 8 hours. I guess you could say that everything is just building up and now I'm just blabbering on. 

 Until next time. 

Update + Resolutions

Wow it's been such a long time since I've posted. I've been so preoccupied with school and just life in general. Not going to lie, I kind of forgot I even had a blog. I'm half way through my senior year of high school now, and really all I can say is that it's definitely chaotic, stressful, and just kind of crappy to be quite honest! But I'm trying to make the most out of it! But basically over the summer I didn't really get to do much besides community service and lazing around everywhere. Then school started again and the first half of the year went by so quick and now it's going by so terrifyingly slow. But! I did get to go on a 3 day trip to LA and San Diego during winter break which was super fun, despite my parents arguing over stupid things like half the time haha. I also got to finally visit Little Tokyo and Korea Town. I'm so sad though I didn't get to take many pictures! But I got a bunch of new Japanese cosmetic goodies that I'm super excited about using! During the trip I got to go to the USS Midway Museum and the Birch Aquarium, which I had super fun at! On the 3 day weekend just last week, I got to go take a trip to San Francisco and visit my friend! I really miss SF, so hopefully I get to go back and visit again soon! 

That's really all I've been up to as of now. I submitted some scholarships and finished FAFSA so that's good I suppose haha. 

I decided that I should make some resolutions for the new year, but I feel like it's kind of late to do that but whatever, it's never too late to make goals LOL.

Here are my resolutions to getting my life together!

Now here are some pictures from my trip!

Until next time! Bye~