Catching up

Hello! 

I've been thinking about, well just life in general really. And I realized how much of a mess my life really is, haha. I guess that's not necessarily a laughing matter but I'd like to think lightly of it. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I am "clinically depressed" and I thought that I had gotten better but it turns out that is not the case, in fact if anything I had just ignored my state of being, and now I am more emotionally unstable than ever. But that's a different matter I suppose. With everything going on at once, it gets pretty hectic and I end up going back to my old ways, which I choose not to bring up and talk about. Honestly, I guess now that I'm a senior in high school I can say this, but I'm constantly surrounded by just ignorant and careless people, you could say, and sometimes it really has an impact on me, especially when times aren't the best at home with family situations. Dealing with these types of "things" are really stressful and sometimes you don't know how to handle them and connect with yourself. But If there's one thing that I learned it's that no matter what you should always take time to at least reconnect with yourself and evaluate your current state and just try to sink everything in, and really think about what your next action or goal should be. I guess it was one of those days today, for me where I had to reconnect with myself. And I came to a conclusion that until I get my own life under control and become more happy with myself, I think that I will only be putting up posts like these. I know that it's not the best, but it's what makes me feel better and less stressed, of course when I do find time and have everything under control, I'd like to be posting a variety of content for my blog and for my blogging experiences to really grow. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that, as a person I still have far more learning to do about myself, and that as a person I will always be growing. I feel like this was kind of a brief, and short post but that's all I have for today.

Until next time,

Rough day and no support

I've had quite a rough day today, well "rough" I should say. But nonetheless definitely not one of my best days. I guess we all have to have bad days every once in a while too huh. I mean overall it was an okay day, until I got to 5th period which was my lunch. 1st period I have Pre-calculus with one of my well least favorite teachers, and she finally told the class that we could get our tests, which keep in mind we took 2 weeks ago, back during our lunch time. And optimistic me, thinking that I did well on the test, received the test only to be disappointed to a B- of 82%. Now I know, 82% that's not too bad isn't it, at least I still got a B. But because I ended the class with a B the 1st term I had the class, I was just disappointed in myself, math is usually one of my stronger subjects so I wasn't understanding why I was struggling so badly. I was motivated to do better, really focus and finish the class with an A. But, I suppose due to the overwhelming amount of stress I give myself, surrounding stresses, and more, I've become sensitive I guess so this is affecting me a lot more than it really should be. All of my motivation for trying to get that "A" has gone down the drain. I may just be overreacting as well. But one of my resolutions was to not give up and to keep striving for my goals, but that is really easier said than done. Just when my day couldn't get any better, my aunt sends a message to the family group chat, which consists of all the adults in the family, saying how her daughter (my cousin) has gotten a letter from Harvard saying that she should apply there and major in the medical field. My aunt is notorious for being the one to always brag her daughter off to the whole family. So it always seemed like a competition between the family on who's kid could get the better grade, or better gpa, or get into the better college, pursue in a "better" major. So then it just made me feel as if I'm not good enough for anything, because no matter what, this whole competition would never end. Then my mom, being the emotional person she is, went on saying how it's because she couldn't speak english or how inexperienced she is in me going into college and education in general. As my mom and her friend were talking, her friend asked what I was going to pursue, and so my mom replied with nursing or kindergarten teacher. That's when I got really disappointed, now I shouldn't have been disappointed and in fact should have just expected this to happen because then that was when her friend said but teachers don't make much money. It is true teachers don't have the best paying job, but my mom replied with "it's because that i'm so uneducated on this subject and inexperienced that she's choosing such a career to pursue." I've had enough, so I just replied with "it's okay if it doesn't make the best pay, as long as I enjoy what I do." All she did was scoff after that. I don't know if it's just old-fashioned Asian families that all have this sort of trait in common, or maybe it's just by pure coincidence. But honestly, this is why I dislike Asian families. I guess this wasn't the most interesting post to read about, and overall it escalated quickly. 

Hopefully this would be more interesting to this post. 

This bird's expression is literally me at my life right now.

Until next time,

Friends

Hello again!

Once again, here I am running away from my responsibilities and feeling down in the dumps again. I guess today's post is just going to be another ramble-on about life. Throughout my 17 years of living I've dealt with nothing but the worst experiences regarding friendship, you could say. Ever since I was little I was always outcast-ed and bullied to a certain extent. I remember in elementary school I had friends that would always talk behind my back and I even knew, but I still stuck with them because I had no one else to be with. I guess being with people is better than being alone. Wrong. Being alone is definitely better than being with well people who bring you down I guess. But then I'm definitely a hypocrite for saying that because even now I still force myself to be with people who bring me down. Now here I am in high school and I'm still being taken advantage of for my "kindness" I guess you could say. Throughout the superficial friendships that I've had, I always still felt alone. I feel as if I'm the only one trying and tries to be there for them whenever I can, only to receive an "I guess." or a "Maybe" or even a "I'll see." in the end when I need help. But then again, maybe I'm just over thinking everything as usual, but when you've gone through countless experiences all ending the same, I guess you just end up thinking that nothing will change. I would like to think that I put other people before myself most of the time, and I guess that's how I always get hurt and taken advantage of. I always believed that if I put others before myself, I'd receive the same from them back right? Wrong again. Honestly when it comes to being friends with people, I'd say just choose the people who even if you don't contact them or even see them often, you can always talk to them whenever and be comfortable with yourself when you're with them. I've always been envious of those who seem so genuinely happy and have people that they can be with. But life doesn't work that way. No doubt that I'm grateful for the people that have positively impacted my life, but ideals kick in and then I expect or hope for too much maybe. I won't stop hoping though that one day I'll be able to find true friends who I can always count on. Sometimes that waiting time seems so gruesome and just makes me want to quit everything and feel like I'm just better off alone. Seems like all I can do is hope and convince myself someway or another. Well, I guess that's it for today's ramble haha! If you have any experiences similar to mine or even if you're going through something like this, we're in the same boat! So don't lose hope. 

Until next time.

People

Hello everyone!

I should be starting my homework since I have a bunch to do today but here I am making a post. One of my resolutions was to be happier but that's easier said than done, especially coming from a person that is anything but happy most of the time haha. Recently I've just been dealing with a lot of crap whether it be family issues or just people at school or maybe I should say people in general. I guess this post is going to be more of a rant but bear with me. I've just gotten to the point well, I've gotten to this point a while ago, but especially today would be the day that I've just snapped. Everyone is different, they come from different backgrounds, have different personalities. I respect and understand that. Not everyone will get along. I guess what I'm just saying is that people suck. I've gone through countless encounters with people and honestly I'm just done dealing with people. Now, I know this is only high school crap and everyone goes through it and not everyone is like this but from a person who's been alone and outcast-ed, it's just not a good feeling to be surrounded by self-centered, ignorant, blatantly rude, and just straight up "crappy" people for 8 hours. I guess you could say that everything is just building up and now I'm just blabbering on. 

 Until next time. 

Update + Resolutions

Wow it's been such a long time since I've posted. I've been so preoccupied with school and just life in general. Not going to lie, I kind of forgot I even had a blog. I'm half way through my senior year of high school now, and really all I can say is that it's definitely chaotic, stressful, and just kind of crappy to be quite honest! But I'm trying to make the most out of it! But basically over the summer I didn't really get to do much besides community service and lazing around everywhere. Then school started again and the first half of the year went by so quick and now it's going by so terrifyingly slow. But! I did get to go on a 3 day trip to LA and San Diego during winter break which was super fun, despite my parents arguing over stupid things like half the time haha. I also got to finally visit Little Tokyo and Korea Town. I'm so sad though I didn't get to take many pictures! But I got a bunch of new Japanese cosmetic goodies that I'm super excited about using! During the trip I got to go to the USS Midway Museum and the Birch Aquarium, which I had super fun at! On the 3 day weekend just last week, I got to go take a trip to San Francisco and visit my friend! I really miss SF, so hopefully I get to go back and visit again soon! 

That's really all I've been up to as of now. I submitted some scholarships and finished FAFSA so that's good I suppose haha. 

I decided that I should make some resolutions for the new year, but I feel like it's kind of late to do that but whatever, it's never too late to make goals LOL.

Here are my resolutions to getting my life together!

Now here are some pictures from my trip!

Until next time! Bye~

Favorite anime!

Hello my lovelies! How are you doing on this fine night/day? I'm still sick, but it's a 3-day weekend! So thankfully my homework load isn't that crazy this time. I've been feeling so horrible and just blah, I've been sick for about a week and I haven't been getting better gaaah! I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday so hopefully I get better! LOL ENOUGH RAMBLING THOUGH! See this is what being sick does to me.

I've been relatively relaxed this term... Well not really but more relaxed than usual per say. I usually don't really watch anime, but I do have a quite a few favorites! 

So I thought hey why not do a post on it? Hopefully I have some anime watchers out there! 

First we'll start off with one of my all time favorites Uta No Prince or UtaPri!

This is by far one of the cutest anime I HAVE EVER SEEN! Plus it doesn't hurt that the boys in this anime are all super cute.. I mean who doesn't like handsome/cute fictional boys you know? IF ONLY THEY WERE REAL. Okay enough of being creepy. But this is a pretty musical anime, and by musical I mean like LIKE IT TAKES PLACE IN A MUSIC SCHOOL SO. But the songs are pretty shmackin' so that's always great. There's 2 seasons and I love both equally! I honestly have nothing bad to say about this anime! I JUST REALLY FREAKIN LOVE IT A LOT.

Okay onto the next anime! 

Okay don't hate me for this, yes I do love Naruto despite the fact that it's been going on for 1000000 years. BUUUUT I've recently caught up on all the episodes in the Shippuden series after not watching it in like 10 years (not really). BUT IT'S GETTING REALLY GOOD DESPITE ALL THE FILLERS AND WHAT NOT. I read the manga of it too so I know what to expect when the anime gets to those episodes LOL. And despite Sasuke being a little ding dong. But what's new LOL. No but seriously I really love this anime and manga, you have no idea, I like grew up with it. 

This is also another one of those musical anime, but I absolutely just adore this one. As you can tell by the picture it's very instrumental based. But it's really good I promise! Although it can be very cheesy as with many other animes! 

Okay last one!

Let me just say, OH MY ABSOLUTE FREAKING THE HECKING GLOB? WHAT THE HECK? WHAT?      W H A T?

Um. Where is season 2. Someone please tell me it's coming out this year, or sometime soon in the very near future. I literally just finished all 25 episodes in a span of 2 days. This is a warning though, if you haven't watched SNK/Attack on titan, it's a highly addictive and bloody anime. Literally every stinkin episode keeps you on the edge of your seat and I pretty much cried in every other episode except for the first few episodes. But yeah, I'm not going to spoil anything but I just have a lot of feelings towards this anime. And I am waiting for season 2 to come out because it just ended on a total cliffhanger and I absolutely hate cliffhangers. Cliffhangers make me really mad. 

BUT YEAH. On a more brighter note! Some animes I used to watch as a kid include Sailor Moon, Card Captor, Tokyo Mew Mew, Mermaid Melody, and Kanon! Kanon is super sad and ended up making me bawl! So don't watch it if you don't like watching sad things!

Tell me what your favorite anime is! And any anime that you would recommend. 

I would love to see your suggestions. 

Bye guys! <3

Rainy day essentials!

Helloooooo!

So it's been raining the past few days where I live, which is great because we're in a drought and we definitely need the water. I thought it'd be perfect to make a rainy day essentials, clothing and shoes wise.

If it's raining and you're going to be out or at then you definitely need an umbrella, obviously! 

I think these clear bubble umbrellas are the coolest and best because it like encases you and protects you from the wind and rain if that makes sense LOL. PLUS you can like see the rain drops fall down your umbrella which is super cool to watch. 

Shoes wise, don't wear converse or vans or ESEPECIALLY moccasins. Other than those I think any kinds of shoes are fine, but then again you obviously wouldn't want to wear flip flops or sandals. But preferably, you would probably want to wear rain boots or combat boots. Don't forget to pair your shoes with fuzzy socks to keep your feet warm!

Now, outerwear wise, something I would wear is a utility jacket or even a windbreaker. These kind of coats/jackets will seriously protect you from the rain. Seriously it's all about layering guys! under the utility jacket I'd usually wear a hoodie/pullover and a comfy t-shirt underneath that, OR if I wanted to look a bit more pulled together but still comfy and cozy, I would wear a cute and soft sweater or a cozy, warm cardigan and a shirt underneath with a circle scarf. 

I usually almost always wear leggings when it's raining since I find that jeans don't really keep me warm or are comfortable. 

I hope you guys have an idea of what to wear for the colder/rainy days ^_^.

Also stay warm and safe and avoid sick people! My immune system failed me so I've caught the super bad cold that's been going around and I'm coughing up a storm as I type this right now. 

I'll talk to you guys in my next post!

black rain boots

whale-print rain boots

grey rain boots

utility jacket

cardigan